Monday, October 6, 2008

Resentment - Claire Jackson

Resentment

i.
Through 18 years you were there for
every dance recital, ball game, and school
assembly. I knew your love was genuine
and the grandparents’ day card messages came
from my heart. But when the key holding our
family together turned over, his black gold turned
your eyes green, and your back towards me.

ii.
Thousands of square feet in the north end
of town. A big yard, swimming pool, and
five bedrooms – a dream come true. A purchase
to the good life. But square footage and yard-of-
the-week can’t keep a family together.

iii.
Middle school was already hell, and you—
you made it worse. Words, the Internet, and
the two friends I had were your weapons in
blasting a hole inside of me. Noting to comfort
the hurt but half-assed prayers to Jesus and
little white pills.

iv.
Looking into the mirror, I see a heavy black
cloak of memories weighing on my shoulders.
I know the need of letting go, but I don’t want
to start the process. Anger intrudes into my
daily routine because I have yet to reconcile with
the past, and remove the weight.

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